guess what... its love...

as i write this, i have a smile on my face and to tell you... its a great feeling... had always thought that there would be one day when i will be experiencing this great feeling which gives a lot pf pain also when things dont go the way you want them to go... but the rest of the time, when you are with that person who you totally love, you forget all things around you and want that moment to continue forever... and not change a single moment in that beautiful period... everything is beautiful and perfect... even the smallest place looks huge, the quietest moment speak wonderful things to you, there is a peace all around... just knowing that the person you love would be there whenever you need... thats the kind of trust you have on to that love of yours... that love only pushes you to be trustworthy for him... to make a good woman for him... otherwise there are a whole lot of people in this world who may be your friends or even relatives (people who you connect to...) but you would not have these feelings for anybody or everybody around you...

earlier, whenever i used to write, it was always about what all i do for others and how always i was disappointed by their behavior... i always thought that the way i am to others, why they should be any different towards me... but later i realised that this was my way of thinking and every one has their own way of thinking which might be very different from my point of view... which usually happened also...

but then, i used to tell myself that you do what you feel is right at the moment without thinking about what is expected of others... this helped quite a lot in tackling people... otherwise it would take few days to gulp this feeling down of betrayal by people around... so life became a little easy...

and just to tell you about the person i love... well, well, well... i can say... that i hadn't met any person like him... or you can even say that he is the best as a person that i could have ever got... this i am saying because as a person he is too good and i would say... that he is 'THE MAN' that i was looking for... though i was never on a look out literally... but its in a way when you say... that what kind of guy you would really want... i always used to tell my friends and maa also... that my guy will be a MAN... not a boy... well Man - not in looks but as a person... the dependable, responsible kinds... so as i was telling you that he is THE Man -- yeah, yeah... you got that right... he is like that only....

will also tell you the whole story about how we met... how in the beginning i felt nothing special about it... then how it all started for both of us... how it grew on me... how we started to have some issues... which still are forgotten when we meet after one or two days... which usually does not happen coz we meet daily otherwise... even that is a little funny and very sweet in a way... may be we will grow over this and will have a good laugh over it...

well... time for me to stop now and come back to the reality and hope to find this Man soon... :) and post reality the next time... c ya...

Cheers...!!!

Excerpts that I liked - Atlas Shrugged

• I don’t like the thing that’s happening to people, Miss Taggart. I don’t know. But I have watched them here for twenty years and I have seen the change. They used to rush through here and it was wonderful to watch, it was the hurry of men who knew where they were going and they were eager to get there. Now they are hurrying because they are afraid. It's not a purpose that drives them, it's fear. They're not going anywhere, they' re escaping. And I don’t think they know what it is that they want to escape. They don’t look at one another. They jerk when brushed against. They smile too much, but it's an ugly kind of smiling; it’s not joy, it's pleading. I don’t know what it is that’s happening to the world. Oh, well, who is John Galt? (Page 64)

• Her work was all she had or wanted. But there were times, like tonight, when she felt that sudden, peculiar emptiness, which was no emptiness, but silence, not despair, but immobility, as if nothing within her were destroyed, everything stood still. Then she felt the wish to find a moment's joy outside, the wish o be held as a passive spectator by some work or sight of greatness. Not to make it, she thought, but to accept; not to begin, but to respond; not to create, but to admire. I need to let me go on, she thought, because joy is one's fuel. She had always been - she closed her eyes with a faint smile of amusement and pain - the motive power of her own happiness. For once, she wanted to feel herself carried by the power of someone else's achievement. As men on a dark prairie liked to see the lighted windows of train going past, her achievement, the sight of power and purpose that gave them reassurance in the midst of empty miles and night - so she wanted to feel it for a moment, a brief greeting, a single glimpse, just to wave her arm and say: Someone is going somewhere… (Page 68)

• She realized that she had always felt a sense of light-hearted relaxation in his presence and known that he shared it. He was the only man she knew to whom she could speak without restrain or effort. This, she thought, was a mind she respected, an adversary worth matching. Yet there had always been an odd sense of distance between them, the sense of a closed door; there was an impersonal quality in his manner, something within him that could not be reached. (Page 86 - Dagny for Hank Rearden)

• What's the most depraved type of human being? - The man without a purpose. (Pg 98)

• There's nothing of importance in life - except how well you do your work. Nothing. Only that. Whatever else you are, will come from that. It's the only measure for human value. All the codes of ethics they will try to ram down your throat are just so much paper money put out by swindlers to fleece people of their virtues. The code of competence is the only system of morality that's on a gold standard. When you grow up, you'll know what I mean. (Pg 98 - Frisco to Dagny)

• To Mrs. Taggart, the greatest surprise was the moment when she saw Dagny standing under the lights, looking at the ballroom. This was not a child, not a girl, but a woman of such confident, dangerous power that Mrs. Taggart stared at her with shocked admiration. In an age of casual, cynical, indifferent routine, among people who held themselves as if they were not flesh, but metal - Dagny's bearing seemed almost indecent, because this was the way a woman would have faced a ballroom centuries ago, when the act of displaying one's half-naked body for the admiration of men was an act of daring, when it had meaning, and but one meaning, acknowledged by all as a high adventure. And this - thought Mrs. Taggart, smiling - was the girl she had believed to be devoid of sexual capacity. She felt an immense relief, and a touch of amusement at the thought that a discovery of this kind should make her relieved. (Pg 101)

• She wore slacks or summer cotton dresses, yet she was never so feminine as when she stood beside him, sagging in his arms, abandoning herself to anything he wished, in open acknowledgment of his power to reduce her to helplessness by the pleasure he had the power to give her. He taught her every manner of sensuality he could invent. "Isn't I wonderful that our bodies can give us so much pleasure?" he said to her once, quite simply. They were happy and radiantly innocent. They were both incapable of the conception that joy is sin. They kept their secret from the knowledge of others, not as shameful guilt, but as a thing that was immaculately theirs, beyond anyone's right of debate or appraisal. She knew the general doctrine on sex, held by people in one form or another, the doctrine that sex was an ugly weakness of man's lower nature, to be condoned regretfully. She experienced an emotion of chastity that made her shrink not from the desires of her body, but from any contact with the minds who held this doctrine. (Pg 106)

professionally me...

i had no clue what i will be taking up as a career till two years back... was a science student in school with maths and biology as options... chose both of them and today i am not a engineer or a doctor or anything related to the same... y i say engineer n doctor is coz those are the basic professions thought of when one is in school and then later in life u decide that what u want to specialize in... well, in graduation had botany, chemistry and computer applications... a course that you take for three years and still doesn't take you anywhere... as you are still stuck with the same question as three years back... that what career will i take... :)

so, now i decide to take CAT, so that i can enter a good B school and may be then i can know where i will reach... coz till now i know that it is not me who will be deciding wht will be my career fate... so i start taking preparatory classes and start studying for the same... and find that i have not made to any of the B school as i have not made any near to the cut off percentile... so the year after grad, i take a break and again prepare... and i foresee a similar fate as last year... so luckily or coincidentally, i also think of a backup plan - now, i have also filled a small B school form with a good brand name attached with it... but till the end i am very unsure of joining it...
in the meantime, i also get a part time job offer as a student counselor for some under graduate students who have come all the way from abroad, which is a nice experience... coming back to this school thing - i take the written test, m called for the GD, then for the personal interview round... and finally get a call to join the institute... which after much thought i do... on the personal front, there is a decision to make... to leave my maa and home and settle in different city...

but i adapt to this change very nicely... staying with other four gals in the pg... adjusting in different environment... getting to know new people, with different ways of thinking and back-biting... learnt a way to handle that also... but it was good interacting with few professors who gave some interesting classes... otherwise the whole year passed while reading books/ novels sitting at the last seat of the class... multi-tasking you see...

nearing the end of the year at the institute, got to know about the placements and the work profile we would be having (which was common to all) - business development in the print industry - there was a clash actually in what i had studied and imagined what my work would be and finally getting into sales... a great disconnect between the two...

at work, it took about 3 months to understand the kind of work and the nitty-gritties involved in it... next three months were enough to apply that understanding into work and also getting to know that this is not i want to do for a longer period of time... as i thought that i have the capability to give more output to an organization in terms of the analytical and interpretation skills... so i started thinking of changing my job and that too - soon...

by this 6 months' time, the time for confirmation came... this was a one-to-one discussion with my boss, who thought that i have the capability to give more but i am not doing that... for which i told her my intent about what kind of work i would also like to do along with the sales part of the work... after this discussion, my confirmation in the company was delayed for another 3 months... this 3 months' period was also decided in a funny way... when i was discussing this with my vertical head, my branch head was also present at that point of time... so when my boss asked me of the time that i would want to take for showing my work capabilities... i said about a month's time... my branch head said take 2 months time to be on the safer side... to this my boss said... u take 3 months which was finally agreed on...

on post-thought on the same... that was a good time for me to find a new job and switch to a place where i like the work that i am doing... and it is work that is driving me to give my best to it... those 3 months when i had to prove myself... i did a good job at that... i used to communicate regularly to her about what i was doing - which i didn't do earlier... that improved a lot of situation... so when i resigned, my boss was of the opinion that i was a good employee...

i would say this little stint at that first job, was a good experience and i learnt a few pointers in professional life (on which i ll write later)...

joining the new place - second job... was a nice turn of events and that too at the right time... this i have always noticed... that i God also makes me waiting and anxious till the last point and then suddenly shows me a path which takes me to a beautiful world... its like that jungle where you can see only trees and shrubs from a longer distance and when i start traversing that path and start exploring that path with some difficulties and confusions in mind... i start seeing things as they happen... and i finally reach the right place...

this thing has always happened... i can quote hundreds of examples like that... to mention a few... after 10th i had to decide which subjects to choose... i took maths + bio, without a plan or without knowing what i wanted to do in life... as i studied that, i realized that i don't want to be an engineer or a doctor... then i had to take up some course for graduation, i chose botany, chemistry & computer applications - again without even thinking that where this will take me, by the end of the course i realized i don't want to enter into some medical research or bio technology kind of field... so then i decided to take CAT tests & enter some B school... then i was unsure about joining the institute that i later did... which in the end proved a good choice... but then i landed on a job which was not to my taste... so unsatisfied me started looking for a change... which also didn't happen very quickly and took me some time... and that now is proving a good option that i was given in life... so i can say, that i the start when i have certain confusions in life and when i want to decide quickly on that... it doesn't happen when i think of deciding it - it only happens when it has to happen... the only thing i am sure of is that... that whatever happens, happens for good and at right time too for me (touch wood)...

and i know that i have deviated from the topic that i started talking about... so now i ll continue with the story at the second job in the next post...

c ya then...

cheers...!!!

the revolutionary substitute

to start with the posts - will share my "once upon a time" kind of creativity... this was graduation year 2003 when there was a creative workshop that was organised in our college... i had presented my poem - here it goes...

it is a wonder to me
and it just makes me feel
whether i am so abysmal a being
who always has to run after others' heel.

sometimes it makes me cry
when i dont know the reason why
others say or do such hurting things
which affects my daily living
as the clock's hands go by ticking.

this all takes me to the prior question
which at the moment
takes all my attention
Am I such an abysmal being?

I dont aspire to be a
girl who's prim and proper
but can i ever have
the potential to carry out a murder -

the evils of life are
so difficult to kill
and there mere presence
makes me deathly ill

it takes time and patience
to fix the things, clear the air,
iron out the creases and straighten the fold
all that is needed is a very determined,
high resolved soul
which is persistent and oh-so-bold

but there is always a kind of helplessness
when you always have to guess and assess
what thought is racing through other
person's so precious a mind
whether is it shrewd and wicked
or so gentle and very kind.

then finally i seek the
advice of my conscience
which is more or less
telling this to me all the time

That to change everything
simply change your attitude
This would prove to be the
world's best Revolutionary Substitute.

the reactions to this poem were - Mixed... the judges liked it... my friends loved the idea in it... and interestingly enough, through this poem i also found few people who were judging me as a person... that i was a very depressed kind of a person and i am thinking on the terms of killing some people on this earth - which is not at all the idea of the poem...

but as u know that there are so many different people and not everybody is good at understanding the idea behind the poetry... so u might also want to know what i did with these people's reactions... well i did nothing to explain anything or myself or my idea to them... :)

well so this was my awarded creation... will soon write about other important and not so important things...

Cheers!!!

starting off...

this is the third time i have started writing for the same post in this blog since the last one hour... dont exacly know how to start... i think it always is a little difficult to enter into something new and adopt it but i feel once u start it, it becomes a part of life and u start living with it... and you grow on it and it grows on u...


i dint plan to start this post with the philosophy getting included in there... but i guess there would be a note of that also in all my posts... this comes naturally to me... analysing things and finding reasons for everything that happened and understanding why it happened what happened...


let's see how far this can continue... my posts will not all be about the present... they will also include my past and future... of all the special people that i have around me... the journey i have taken in life, of what i have become, of what i want to become, how i see life, how i see people, what interests me, what these interests have made me, my passion - dance - which is like a connect with my soul - the only time when i dont know about the rest of the world and how i believe that every person must have one passion in life so that he/ she can connect with oneself and know exactly where they stand... will also be including few things that i have written in the past...




earlier it mostly used to be the time when i was particularly sad and dint had anybody to espress my feelings that i used to write about things which were troublesome at that point of time... it worked as a vent to those depressing and frustrating emotions... and i was back to my normal self... but from now on i would like to record even the best, good and ok times which i have faced...


also, the professional life - what i have become and the journey there - how i have achieved what i have... what threatens... and so on......


after just jotting all the things that i would like to include seems too much and i fear how much justice i would be able to do with it... but will take this up... and write regularly...